Goodbye.

Recently, I've been going through some stuff and lately I have been missing my old self. You could call it, 'Pre brush with death Mika.' As you know, I struggle with my new face sometimes. And that is totally fine as long as I don't dwell on it but there are days where I feel like I have lost an old friend. One that was there all during my childhood and adolescent years and helped me shape myself. In a way, when I was murdered, she died too and left me to rediscover myself. Trials and hardships are difficult. Obviously. They test you in such a way that sometimes, you change yourself so you can adapt and survive. I feel like not only has my appearance changed, but my personality as well. Most days, I feel like a crotchety 80 year old woman who brandishes her cane at 'young hoodlums' and mutters, "I'm too old for this sh*t" and "Back in my day, we were spanked and not rewarded if we were being disobedient!" and definitely, "I've paid my dues!" I have seen so much in my tiny life that if I were to die tomorrow, I'd almost be relieved. Its a hard life man!

 

I do sit and wonder sometimes how life would have turned out if I hadn't walked down that river trail. What would I be doing? Who would I be? I don't usually mind the new Mika. She is a little more emotional than the old one and slightly more difficult but all in all she gets the job done and is overall a good person. It has been over four years and I'm still getting used to the change.

 

I'm not very sure about where I wanted to go with this post. I think this is more of a 'what Mika feels' post instead of a tutorial or a 'real life talk.' And it is my blog so I can totally do that. There is a very good chance that this post is just for me. Hopefully someone somewhere will find something that relates to them here.  Who knows, maybe I'm just insane. Either way, if you feel like this know that there is hope and things will get better. You will figure out how to love yourself again.

Build Your Puzzle, Love the Picture

Hello everyone! You may or may not remember me, I'm the mysterious Kaeli that disappeared from the blog for two years. But, I'm back and at least some what adjusted to life outside of the Arizona Tempe Mission. I must admit, I'm glad to have my skinny jeans and a car rather than my bike and skirts everyday. And the fact that I will probably NEVER see 122 degrees outside in Utah is also a relief. But I do miss the people, the sunsets and the fact that I spent all my time helping other people and not having to worry about myself. Mostly. I definitely haven't completely killed the selfish and pride bugs yet.

Anyways, coming home after 18 months was different than I expected it to be. Somewhat to my surprise, Cedar City is still the same little town it use to be, and yet as much as it felt like everything was the same, things are different too. I am different, my friends are different and even the Shaved Ice stands are different! ;) At first the excitement of being home and seeing everyone and everything again made things easy. But eventually reality hit and I knew I had to start moving on with my life. But how? I came home in the middle of the semester and so many of my friends were married or moved away or had kind of moved on with their lives. I found that I had come home a different shaped puzzle piece than I had left, and the other puzzle pieces had all changed too. But here I was trying to put myself back in the same place, kind of like when you try to force the wrong piece somewhere where it doesn't quite fit.

I found it a lot easier to try be around people I already knew, but I expected those relationships to be the same as they use to. But the fact is that they just couldn't be, because even though we're all the same people still, time and experiences had slowly brought about subtle differences that meant things would never really be the same. This wasn't a bad thing, but it scared me. I got a job, to keep myself busy but I wasn't getting enough hours, so I found a second job. Still, so much seemed to be missing from my life. So I sunk into a routine. I would work, hang out with one of my old friends and when I was alone I would text another old friend. After having had a constant companion for 18 months I got very bored with being alone.  Talking with these two friends felt like I was filling some of the void, but at the end of the day no matter what I did, or how packed my schedule was, I felt like I had accomplished nothing. My friends didn't understand what was upsetting me and rather than being understanding and supportive they started to tell me I was too different or that there was something wrong with me. And to some degree those things were true, I had changed and I was struggling with the adjustment in ways that even I didn't really understand. I just knew that I hated being alone and what I wanted more than anything was to pack up and go back to my mission, where I didn't have to worry about my own life.

What I eventually came to realize was that, I had tried to put myself back into situations that were comfortable, but I wasn't happy. Whether or not my friends were treating me well wasn't so much the issue as the fact that I wasn't progressing the way that I wanted to. It wasn't that my friends were bad people, or that we didn't like or care about each other anymore, but many of my goals and perspectives had changed or become more definite. I needed to be around people who shared those same goals and who could support me in reaching them. I've never been good at letting go of people in my life. But I finally realized it didn't mean that I didn't love them or want them in my life anymore, it just meant that things had changed, and if I wanted to move forward I needed to accept that. I couldn't be angry at myself or feel like a bad person for moving on, I just had to accept that it was time and it was best for everyone. It was hard. It still is. I miss those people, and I want them in my life but right now is time to start putting all the pieces together in a way that they fit again, after all the change. There will be new pieces and old pieces and moved pieces and maybe there will be a few pieces that have to be thrown away. But it's going to be okay, because eventually that beautiful picture will be visible.

My point in all this is that you build your puzzle, and if the pieces aren't fitting, you can't force them. It isn't a bad thing, it just means things are changing and there can be no progress without that change. Don't waste your time trying to force your piece back into relationships that don't fit, it only hurts. It doesn't mean you have to throw the pieces away, but maybe it's time to rearrange the puzzle. You will do the most good in the place where you fit, and where you can continue to build and grow. Love yourself, trust yourself and remember to step back and enjoy the beautiful picture you are making.
-Kaeli

Refashionista Mika!

I work at a bank in a Walmart. Working at Walmart has made my wallet a whooooooole lot lighter and sadder. But when everything is so cheap, how can I resist?? So I bought this great WALMART DRESS ( <-----Buy me here!) for $15. Like I predicted, it was way too short! So I had this awesome idea. Why don't I chop it off and make it knee length!? Wonderful. Idea. Mika. High five! But what to do with the extra? Huh why not make an infinity scarf? Its already sewn into a circle so I literally had to throw it on my neck and go for it.  AND it turned out so much better than I anticipated.

Results below!

 

 

Did I mention it is super comfy? Yeah. Its basically my new favorite dress. Try it! It takes three minutes to do. I'm serious.

 

Love, Mika. 

Mermaid-y Ish?

 

Well here I am. I got new brushes and this what went down! I bought Pueen brushes from Amazon for about $20. I love them! They really hold color well and blend beautifully.

My makeup is from:
Eye shadow- Icing
Black eyeliner- Buxom
Teal liner- Urban Decay
Mascara- 3D Fiber lashes

I put the teal liner all over my lash line and on the outside of my crease in a giant "V" shape. Blend. A lot.... And then layer with eye shadow. Apply a darker shadow to the crease and blend some more!

Hopefully I will remember to take pictures when I play around with the other liners and shadows. :)

Love, Mika.

Shadowed Liner.

 

 

Today I was extremely tired and decided to not use effort for my makeup. So, I remembered a thing I saw on What Not To Wear (and most likely from Pinterest too) about using an angled brush to line your eyes. This technique is usually involves gel liner but I used a black eye shadow instead. Using shadow makes it a softer look.

 

Let me tell you about my brush. It is a paint brush! I bought it at Joann's for a buck. Best deal ever. And it works like a charm! I definitely recommend them. I originally bought it to fill in my brows but as you can see by my pics, it doesn't get used often. But all I did was dip it in my matte black shadow and swiped it across the top of my lashes on my eyelid. I was SHOCKED by how easy and fast it was. It went on so smooth and perfect the first time. I had so much control! And the winged bit at the end? I got it on the FIRST TRY. What?? It was beautiful and it looked like I was wearing liner! I wasn't sure how well it would stay put but it was great all day. To take my pictures, I redid it just to make sure you can see it. But this time, I dipped my brush into some water and then placed it in the eye shadow. It was much darker and more defined. I recommend this for a more dramatic or clean look. Do the dry shadow technique for a softer/more romantic/smudgy/natural look. 

 

As a side note, I use this palette (below) almost every day. I bought it from Costco! I loooooove Costco. Seriously I recommend it. It was a pretty good price too. I used Raven for the liner and the Woodrose for the brown on my lid.

Let me know what you think! Follow me on Instagram (kermitfacefredrick) or Facebook or Pinterest! I would love to see you! :)

Love, Mika.

Cause The World Is Ugly, But You're Beautiful To Me.

Certain events in my life are currently creating chaos and heartache which is actually quite normal for me. I feel like I am always having to go through something difficult. The day that my life is easy, will be the day that I am cold in my grave. But even then I almost guarantee that my funeral will be a disaster.

 

That being said, I chose this life. I volunteered for this. I decided before I was born that I wanted a hard life Why would I do that?? Well God knew I could handle it. I realize this sounds arrogant but I promise, I'm not bragging. The other night, I was sobbing on my bathroom floor, (don't ask why I was randomly on my bathroom floor because I haven't a clue.) I was so overwhelmed with life that all I could do was cry for an hour. When I finally had motivation to get back into bed, I decided to pray. Mind you, I don't usually pray. But I felt very inclined to. So I started. I told God that I was thankful for the trials he was giving me because I knew that they would help me become a better and stronger person. At this point, tears started pouring down my face again because I knew with my entire heart that I really and honestly was so grateful to have the opportunities that I was receiving, even though it meant terrible circumstances. It reminds me of what Ron Weasley said in the third book when he is trying to predict Harry's future in Divination, "Right, you've got a sort of wonky cross… That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering'—sorry about that—but there's a thing that could be the sun … hang on … that means 'great happiness' … so you're going to suffer but be very happy about it..." Its like JK Rowling knew my life. I wouldn't trade my trials for anything. I complain more than I should about them but truth is, I need them so I can become a better person and help others.

I have sat back and watched awful things happen to my friends and family these past couple of months. Cancer, suicide, drugs, discovering you entire life is a lie, it all happens for a reason. ALL of it. And yes, it does suck a big one but guess what? You CAN do it. You ARE strong. You ARE capable of coping with your trial. You WILL be ok. I have seen you all struggle and deal with horror admirably and such courage that it brings tears into my eyes and hope into my heart. Because in the end, good will prevail over evil. Centuries of conflict and tribulation has taught me that no matter how grim and bleak the situation looks, there will always be good. 

 

Those who know me, I have a great passion for Harry Potter. (Obviously because I have already quoted it multiple times. It has gotten me through the worst times of my life. I even listened to it in the hospital when I was recovering from my attack. It brings me to tears because JK Rowling speaks directly to my heart. And I know that Harry Potter is a children's book, but it has amazing lessons. I am going to share a few Albus Dumbledore quotes because he is a wise man. Imaginary, but genius. He said, “It is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated.” Evil will never cease. NEVER. The devil's only purpose for the rest of eternity is to bring everyone down and destroy the world. But we can't give in. We must keep going. We can not let wickedness take over. I can't even give you a good reason why good must be victorious, I just feel compelled to be the good the world needs. We must go through tough times because that is life. Please, don't give up. 

 

Professor Dumbledore also said, “It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." He is right. Our attitude and how we handle situations is what really counts. I know it is hard to be happy and positive when life is going down hill real fast, but I assure you that it helps with coping and healing. We could choose to be miserable but when has that ever helped anyone? I am not saying that you can't be sad about whatever happened, but just don't solely dwell on your misfortunes and losses. Trials are good for us even if they are sucky and awful and makes us want to punch things in the face. What makes us great is resisting the urges to stoop to a lower level and rising against our hardships with grace and (excuse the language but it is the perfect word for it) badassery.

 

Now for one of the most popular HP quotes, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Goodness can only be found if you look for it. There are times where all you want to do is wither away to nothing because you are so devastated and you don't want to do anything. And I have personally wondered, "Why is this happening? Why does God hate me??" But there are always multiple things I can learn from whatever is going on but I do have to put forth an effort to see what it is. God is there. He will always help you. He does not give us anything we can not handle. He gives us difficult times so that we can grow and be amazing. You are not alone.

 

 

Sorry being all over the place and about all the Potter quotes. I'm also sorry for all the religion talk. Actually no, I'm sorry not sorry about either. I like what I like! I want you all to know that I love each and every one of you. Even if I have never met you. And for the record, I am rooting for all of you to be happy and healthy and live a wonderful life. You deserve it.

 

Love, Mika.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These Shoes Are Made For Walking.

Apparently it has been a few months since I posted... Oops. My apologies! This year for Christmas presents, I decided to make shoes for all the girls at work! They (and by they, I mean all of us,) have a slight obsession with shoes and lucky for them, I redo shoes! So here are their shoes.

These are Tauni's shoes. Tauni is a cowgirl to the max so I did a version of the very popular trend Burlap and Lace. She is preggar's so she can't quite them yet but the wedge style is great for beginning heel walkers. (;

These are JayLynn's shoes. (My last post was on her.) Her taste is very similar to mine so I had no problem working on these wedges. They have leopard print and lace with pink tulle laced up the side.

These are Brenda's shoes. I made her's with plum ruffles and hounds tooth print. Plus, the mary jane style is easy to walk in.  

These are Janette's shoes. She always wears a cute polka dot shirt to work and so I did these so I could match her shirt. They are peep toe and who can resist bows?

These are Lillian's shoes. She is a little lady not even reaching 5 feet tall so finding shoes in her size was a little ridiculous. But I did like the metallic embellish and how they turned out. :)

 



 

Okie dokie! That is that! Starting in January, I will be charging for shoes. I do a case by case basis price wise but I can tell you that if you already have a pair of shoes that you want redone, then it will be cheaper! If you want me to do shoes for a wedding or a school dance or a random special occasion, email me! mikafredrick@yahoo.com I can quote you a price depending on what you want done. And I can usually have them done in a week. :)

 

Love, Mika.