So today’s post is a little controversial and I wasn’t all too sure how I wanted to go about it so I’m just going to go for it! Lately, love is in the air and a lot of my friends have been getting married/having children. This means:
A. The population is steadily rising and,
B. My friends who are still single are now either wedding crazy or incredibly depressed... or both. Mostly both.
I was realizing this the other day and decided that I was going to do a post on the matter because it is one of the few things I have a strong opinion about. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you want to/are already got married at a young age or whatever, more power to you! It is completely your choice and please don’t take offense to what I am stating. I’m simply just expressing my opinion.
After ten years of living in Utah, I realized nearly everyone here is OBSESSED with getting married as fast as they possibly can. And it’s not just the girls. It’s the boys as well. I always have friends express their exasperation about being single, being marriage hungry, ect. And I think to myself, “You are (insert age starting in a 1 here!) How could you possibly want to settle down already??” Not only do they get married young, they get engaged/married within 6 months of MEETING each other. Now personally, I don’t understand how you could know someone that well after only half a year. I mean crap. They could be a serial killer and you would have no idea. But seeing how Utah is a major LDS (Mormon) state, I guess it makes perfect sense to most of the people here. This state was built on that religion so it does play a huge role in what the young minds of Utah think. The LDS religion is really big into family and eternal marriage. I just feel as if the entire goal in Utah is to get married and start a family as soon as they possibly can.
Personally, I wanted to wait. If I lived in a perfect world where I was in charge, I wouldn’t get married or I would get married from in between 25 and 27 and have a family at 30. I want a career established first and then possibly create a family. I got married at 21. That is young. But Kyle and I knew each other since freshmen year and had been dating for a year and a half before we got married. And we eloped. Best decision ever. Unfortunately, I had already bought a dress before then so now I have to have a recieption so I can wear it.
Now I will admit, I record every episode of Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings and watch them religiously. I get extremely giddy at weddings and during click flicks because I really am a hopeless romantic. It is really embarrassing actually. And I’m not going to lie to you, I look ridiculous sitting there with a stupid grin on my face. I realize this totally contradicts my previous paragraph! I think I like watching people more than actually doing it myself. But as much as I love watching my shows, I never wanted to get married young. It scared me to death! But I lived and I love Kyle so it works. I still want to go out and travel the world do humanitarian projects. I don’t feel like I can do that if I have to worry about taking care of a family so hopefully I can do that before babies.
Just make sure it is the right person. A lifetime is a long time to live with that decision! And if you are Mormon, it’s even longer. I only think divorce should be used in special cases such as abuse, addiction, cheating and such so my marriage better work out because I am not a fan of divorce. I’ve had a lot of abusive relationships, which doesn’t help my skittishness. My rap sheet isn’t too good either which might contribute to my uneasiness. My relationships are an average of 2 months long. I tend to date people who are marriage hungry. Oops. Not kidding, 4 out of the 6 guys I’ve dated have wanted to marry me after one month. One month! (I am not too sure why they think I’m such marriage material because I really am not. But whatever.) After so many near/actual proposals, I tend to freak out when the month mark hits cause that is when the question usually creeps up. (P.S. Kyle waited a year to ask because I told him straight up that I would say no if it was before that.)
Ya know, you don’t need a significant other to complete your life. Yes, sometimes they are nice to have around and that is perfectly fine. But I don’t want any of you to base your entire level of happiness upon whether or not you have a ‘love life.’ If you do that, you aren’t truly happy. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
What is your opinion on this? You know my stance on it, I want to see what everyone else thinks! Comment, email or use facebook to leave your thoughts on it. Also, let me know what your story is so I may research this a little further: married at age 22/met in college, single and proud, looking for a man, ect. Thanks guys! You are all so fantastic!
Love, Mika.
AI agree with the no wedding thing. I did dinner for fifty people...BUT I got a dress that was the only part I wanted. Also, I did get married young 20. I have been married for almost 3 years (one of those wasn't great everyone has some rough yearsb). I finished college got a real job and I have no kids. My Hubby andI have been on trips and love just being together. Kids are a long way down the list. Like 5 years cause babies are forever. Once a mom always a mom. Being together with my husband forever was easy its the parenting part that I'll wait for.
ReplyDeleteI definitely number myself among those people who "probably got married too young," but I am also a girl who spend 19 lonely years wishing she had a boyfriend and feeling rather miserable because she didn't. I can't stress enough that the boyfriend/husband does not make the woman. There is nothing to be ashamed of by being single. I know a woman who is 31, has a career and no husband. And she couldn't be happier where she is.
ReplyDeleteI also think that it is silly for girls to think that being in a relationship or married is what is going to solve all their problems. Loving yourself is far more important than someone else loving you. Being in a relationship did not boost my confidence. No one could make me feel worse about myself than my ex-boyfriend. Confidence is internal, not external.
Lastly, I will defend how quickly I got engaged and how quick the engagement was by saying that my husband and I were friends looong before dating ever entered our minds. We already knew each other extremely well by the time we were like, "Hey, lets date." That is very important. If you are friends with your spouse, you will still love being together, even when the romance fades.
Agreed Whit! I think you did it correctly. It definitely makes a difference if you are friends long before you date.
ReplyDeleteI was 26 when I got married. I knew my husband in middle school and high school he was two years older than me, however he graduated early went off to the Navy. We reconnected in 2009. He was in the United States Navy and was being transferred to San Diego. He was in the middle of a divorce (P.S. his wife had cheated on him while he was deployed) but we became friends. We were good friends for a year and a half, then dated for a year and half and then had a 8 month engagement. We had a long distance relationship, which is maybe why I was no go on the marriage thing for so long. However, he also had a 7 year old daughter that lived with him full time as well. I was completely freaked out and honestly still am sometimes. Becoming a step mom is terrifying. Anyway, I never was a fan of marriage either and I it was never on my priority list. Getting married was very hard for me. Not because I did not love my now husband but because of everything that our marriage would bring: becoming a step mom, and a Navy wife. Freaky! On my wedding day someone was in the room with me at all times until I walked down the aisle, probably making sure that I made it down the aisle. Needless to say I am very happy with my husband but I am also very happy that I got married a little bit later in my life because you never know what life is going to throw at you and your marriage. I have been married for 2 and half years and we have had so many ups and downs in life because of Navy life, and step mom life. It is so important to know who you are and what you want in life before you get married and I can honestly say I didn't know that in my teens or early twenties. I knew what I wanted as a career and graduated college at the age of 23 but life experiences change you and your perspective in so many ways as you get older. Anyway, now that you know my life story I agree that people should not get married too young and they should date for a lot longer than most LDS people do.
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